How to be a dad
by TalksToSelf
Summary: Future. Kurt and Blaine apply for adoption and are left heartbroken when the panel decides against it.
1. The decision

A/n: This idea occurred to me a while ago I've finally got around to writing it. Hope you like it.

Kurt's pacing was driving Blaine mad, back and forth towards the door like a man possessed. Blaine tapped his pen absently, unknowingly driving his boyfriend just as mad as Blaine. The door went and Kurt flew to it, his face instantly fell in disappointment as he realised it was a visitor and not the postman.  
"Is today the day?" Rachel asked bobbing on her heels at the doorway. Behind her stood Finn, holding onto their gorgeous little boy Liam. Kurt smiled weakly.  
"The mail hasn't arrived yet." Kurt said breathlessly, hurrying inside to put the kettle on as Finn and Rachel removed their shoes.  
"How's my main man?" Blaine said, thankful for the distraction and taking Liam from Finn. Liam laughed raucously and cuddled into his godfather.

Kurt poured everyone a coffee or tea depending on their preference with shaking hands, and made a hot chocolate for Liam. At 3 years old the small boy looked the spit of his mother, with olive skin and dark eyes and a traditional Jewish nose.  
"I'm sure it won't be long." Finn encouraged his step brother. Kurt smiled shakily and passed the mugs around, Liam sipped at his cocoa through a straw whilst sat on Blaine's lap.  
"I'm just so nervous." He admitted, drinking whilst standing up because he couldn't sit still.  
"He's on his fourth cup of the morning." Blaine said, looking at Kurt who was beyond jittery. He too was nervous about the impending letter.  
"They'll say yes." Rachel smiled widely. "How could they not!?"  
"Because we're a gay couple in Lima, Ohio." Kurt spoke softly. "We're not exactly prime candidates for adoption."

There was a moment of silence and then 'clap' the sound of the letterbox going made Blaine and Kurt's ears prick and Kurt hurried to the door.  
"Bill… bill… trying to sell us cable… bill…" Kurt said flicking through each letter. Then. "It's here." He whispered.  
"Well… open it!" Finn urged, and Kurt shakily sat down beside his boyfriend. His hands shook as he tore open the envelope and flicked the letter out. Blaine read over Kurt's shoulder, and their faces fell in unison. Tears pricked the back of Kurt's eyes.  
"No. They said no." He whimpered, putting the letter down and burying his head in his hands.  
"Don't cry Uncle Kurt!" Liam chirped but Kurt couldn't help himself. Sobs wracked his body, and Blaine rubbed his back gently. Finn and Rachel suddenly felt as though they were intruding on a very private moment.

"It's not over… we can fight it." Blaine said. "The panel have been known to change their minds about…"  
"Oh what's the use, they've made up their minds." Kurt sobbed. "Excuse me." He said, rising from the table and taking himself off to bed.

"I feel so bad for them." Rachel muttered, tucking Liam into his bed and kissing him on the forehead.  
"They'll never have what we have." She stroked her son's dark brown hair and smiled softly, grateful for what she had. Sure she'd had dreams of Broadway and stardom, but two years in New York had shown her what mattered most - family. She still planned on being a star, but she intended to balance that with motherhood, just as Britney Spears had done before her.  
"They have each other."  
"It's not the same." Rachel said shaking her head. "You're a guy… Liam just happened." She explained. "I know you love him but you've never had that…. Urge to be a parent."  
"When did that urge happen for you?" Finn asked, as the two crept out of Liam's room to avoid waking him.  
"The minute that stick turned blue." Rachel said. "I was overwhelmed with this desire to love something unconditionally, to see my face in my child and to know I'd created a perfect little person." Finn nodded. He had felt the urge to protect his child, the love of a father and son but Rachel was right. He had never known the burning ache of needing to be a parent.

All he knew was that Kurt and Blaine would make brilliant parents and it didn't seem fair that some adoption panel could decide that they never would be.

Blaine sat on the edge of the bed where Kurt lay, struck down with grief for a child they'd never had. It physically hurt Blaine to see Kurt this upset, so he stroked his boyfriend's hand, subconsciously rubbing against Kurt's bare ring finger.  
"It's not the end of the world."  
"Yes it is Blaine!" Kurt cried out. "We can't have kids. Ever. That stupid adoption panel…"  
"Didn't count on you and me. I'm going to fight this decision Kurt, and I'll do it for you." He said. Kurt just sighed and rolled over, breaking the fleeting connections between their hands.  
"Just leave me alone." He whispered. Blaine sighed and headed downstairs, he raked his eyes over the rejection letter a thousand times to see if they'd given a reason for rejecting their application. There was none. There was no damn reason he couldn't have a child. Apart from his sexuality. It just wasn't fair.

"Kurt's really down." He admitted on the phone that evening with Rachel. Even though they only lived across the street they often spoke on the phone.  
"Understandable… how're you holding up?"  
"I'm miserable." Blaine sighed. "But I'm keeping it together. Thanks for asking. Hey do you think you could take Kurt shopping tomorrow, shopping always cheers him up, and I haven't even been able to get him out of bed."  
"Sure, I'll pick him up at 10am." Rachel promised. "I'll bring Finn round so you have some company too."  
"Thanks Rachel. Kurt really needs a friend right now."  
"And so do you."

The next morning as promised Rachel showed up with her bewildered husband and sleeping son.  
"I don't get why I have to be here. Blaine's cool and everything but he's a dude… dude's don't talk about their feelings." Finn mumbled embarrassedly.  
"Just watch sports with him or something, take his mind off of the adoption." Rachel said as the door opened.  
"He's upstairs." Blaine sighed. "Languishing in his designer pjs." Rachel nodded and shot off upstairs, so familiar with the Anderson-Hummel household she often treated it as though it were her own. Sure enough Kurt was laid in bed staring at the ceiling.

"Come on Kurt we're going shopping."  
"I have nothing to live for," Kurt moaned dramatically.  
"Come on." She said grabbing her best friend's hands and pulling him up from his laying down position. "Shopping is like crack to you."  
"My kryptonite." Kurt said taking the clothes Rachel flung at him. "Fine but we're going by the pet store. If I have to spend my life childless I'll at least own some cats to keep me company." He said melodramatically. Rachel turned her back while Kurt changed (into an outfit he chose himself, disliking Rachel's choice of colour combinations)

So obediently Rachel followed Kurt to the pet store, leaving Liam in Finn and Blaine's capable hands. Kurt cuddled a kitten.  
"She's so cute but it's just not the same." He sighed, handing the calico back to a very disgruntled shop employee. Kurt had cradled and stroked nearly every pet in the store and was beginning to frustrate the young man.  
"Have you thought of surrogacy?" Rachel suggested helpfully.  
"We thought about it." Kurt admitted. "But to do it through all the proper channels costs thousands of dollars we don't have, and the law is on the mother's side, she could change her mind and keep the baby at any time." He sighed.  
"You could put an ad in the paper like my dads did."  
"We don't have the money to pay a stranger to do that sort of thing for us. Your dads paid Shelby enough cash to live in New York. Plus it seems so impersonal… I had naïve ideas of going to the hospital and picking up a gorgeous little baby to help out a teenage trollop like Quinn and realise mine and Blaine's dreams at the same time." Kurt sniffed. "May I see a tabby?" Rachel's brain worked overtime. She continued standing by Kurt's side as he fondled every animal in the store and eventually came to one conclusion: that a cat was no substitute for a baby.

Something clicked in Rachel's brain. The idea was so simple she couldn't believe she'd never thought of it before.

Meanwhile Blaine sat on the couch beside Finn, Sports Direct was on but neither of them were really watching it, in an awkward silence, broken occasionally by Liam's snores. Blaine couldn't take his eyes off of Liam.  
"He's so… perfect."  
"He's a monster." Finn said with a small smile. "But I wouldn't trade him for the world." Blaine's usually warm smile faltered, and Finn quickly noticed. "I'm not so good with talking about… y'know feelings and stuff but… if you wanna…"  
"It's just not fair!" Blame fumed. "Kurt and I work so well together… why can't we have a family like everyone else?"  
"If I could help you out man I would." Finn said sympathetically, patting his friend on the back. "Let me know when you start the campaign against the decision." Blaine nodded furiously, the idea of a petition forming in his brain.

A week later, Rachel crept out of the house after Liam had been sung to sleep, and knocked on the door of the house across the street from her humble yet spacious dwelling.

"Rachel!" Kurt said in surprise when he answered the door. "What brings you here so late?" He asked, inviting her in. She sat down on the couch opposite Blaine and Kurt and looked them in the eye.  
"I've been doing a lot of thinking."  
"Well that's dangerous." Kurt quipped playfully.  
"And as you know I'm a generous and loving person."  
"Cut the crap Rach." Kurt said bluntly. "This is us you're talking to." Blaine stared at Kurt for his lack of manners, the two had been friends so long however Rachel was used to it.  
"No, I mean I know I've been selfish in the past but… I'm a mother now! I've had to learn to put other people first and…" She stopped babbling and looked at the two people opposite her, so full of love for one another, it truly confirmed her decision.

"I want to be your surrogate." She blurted.

A/n: Duh duh dun! I have a few chapters of this written already but will only continue it if there's enough interest so please REVIEW.


	2. A thousand times yes

A/n: Thank you for the reviews!

There was a pregnant pause, before Kurt raised his hands to his lips as though praying, he spoke through them..  
"Rachel don't… don't say things like that unless you're sure…"  
"I am sure." Rachel swore. "I've thought it through and there's no reason the two of you can't be parents and I'm willing to…"  
"Rachel stop." Kurt begged, tears pricking his eyes. "We can't ask you to do this."  
"Hear her out." Blaine said, squeezing Kurt's shoulder. "Rachel… you're sure about this? I mean this is huge."  
"You're not asking me, I'm offering. It's not a decision I've taken lightly. You guys are so perfect together, you'd be amazing dads and if I can make that happen I'd be honoured to be your surrogate."  
"Rachel you'd GIVE us your baby?" Kurt asked in disbelief.  
"It wouldn't be my baby though… not really." Rachel promised. "It'd be yours and Blaine's… I'd just be the incredibly attractive and generous hostess."  
"What does Finn think of this idea?" Kurt asked shakily.  
"I haven't exactly told him yet…"  
"Rachel!" Blaine exclaimed. "You have to tell him."  
"It's my body and I'm happy to…"  
"This is a decision you have to make together." Blaine told her. "Discuss it with Finn, and if you're BOTH in agreement, then come talk to us." Rachel sighed and nodded. She got up and hugged Kurt and Blaine each before heading out into the night.

Kurt's head was spinning. Blaine sat down and wrapped his arms around him.  
"Shh…" Blaine whispered gently to him as he began to cry. His tears were borne of confusion and fear, confusion at his best friend's bizarre and selfless offer, and fear that his step brother would shoot her down just when they'd been given a straw to clutch at.

"Finn." Rachel whined, looking at her husband with puppy dog eyes.  
"What?" He asked sceptically, knowing Rachel well enough to know when she wanted him. Last time she had given him this look she had suggested they move to New York. He was used to her crazy ideas.  
"Remember when I was pregnant with Liam?" She asked. "How I loved every minute of it and it was the most special time of our lives…"  
"That's not how I remember it." Finn said. "You were awful when you were pregnant all moody and you complained all the time about it…" Rachel batted her hand.  
"Semantics." She said dismissing it. "The point is we created our wonderful son!" A penny dropped within Finn and he froze.  
"You're not…" He asked. She shook her head, he sighed in relief.  
"Not yet…"  
"Rachel you really think we're ready for another baby?" he asked her. "We've got our hands full with Liam and even with your job at the community theatre we barely make enough money to feed ourselves and Liam never mind another baby." He said comfortingly.

"I wasn't suggesting WE have another baby." She said pointedly. "I'm seriously considering having a baby for Kurt and Blaine." Finn's eyes widened. Rachel braced herself for a 'no way in hell' lecture from Finn, instead he sat down at the table with her, surveying her with a seriousness she was not used to seeing from her husband.  
"Really?" She nodded.  
"My mom did it for me… and it'd be different this time, I wouldn't be handing the baby over to complete strangers for cold hard cash, I'd still get to be cool Aunt Rachel. I'd be really helping them! And they deserve to have a baby Finn, they'd be excellent parents." Finn nodded slowly.  
"And you're sure about this?" He asked her firmly, taking her hand.  
"I am… I just… Kurt, Blaine and I would really like your blessings for this."  
"You've already discussed this with them?"  
"Yes." She whispered, hanging her head slightly. "I know I should have mentioned it to you first I just…"  
"Rachel. I think it's a great idea." Finn told her, kissing her hand. "And if you're 100% positive about it then yeah, I'll support you guys every step of the way."

"I didn't expect you to be so open minded." She said in surprise. "I at least expected to have to put forward a case… I prepared a whole speech about having children being a human right and everything." She smiled brightly at him. "You're sure?"  
"Yeah… it's your body but I'd love to help Kurt out - he is my brother." Rachel stood up and hugged her husband. He kissed her deeply.

Kurt had prepared finger sandwiches, and made them all steaming mugs of coffee as they sat down in the Anderson-Hummel living room.  
"So…" Kurt said taking a deep breath. "What did Finn think of your… idea?"  
"I think it's a great idea." Finn said, not sounding at all rehearsed. Kurt's hand settled over his heart.  
"And you're both sure you can cope with… handing over a child like that?" Blaine asked.  
"I see you guys nearly every day. It's not like I'd never see the baby, but I'd know it wasn't mine… we'd be Aunt Rachel and Uncle Finn just as you guys are to Liam." Rachel said bobbing Liam on her lap. He was blissfully unaware of what was going on.  
"Kurt I thought you'd be really excited." Finn said, sounding slightly disappointed at how Kurt was sat there with his legs crossed looking on edge.  
"I'm just nervous." Kurt admitted weakly. "It doesn't feel real somehow."  
"I'll come off the pill right away." Rachel promised. "And I can take ovulation tests to make sure my cycle is right…" She gabbled. "And hopefully with the help of a turkey baster and some dirty magazines… you'll have a baby."

"Baby!" Liam cheered.  
"What about Doctor's bills and maternity clothes and time off work?" Blaine asked, a plan already forming in his head.  
"Well I could ask Burt for a raise…" Finn said, rubbing the back of his head.  
"We'll pay." Kurt said firmly. "I'll work overtime and…"  
"We have some savings…" Blaine said thoughtfully.  
"We do?" Kurt asked cocking his head cutely and looking at his boyfriend.  
"We do…" Blaine turned to Kurt and looked him in the eye. "I've been saving for nearly a year… I was going to ask you to marry me."  
"What?!" Kurt breathed in shock.  
"I was going to ask you when the adoption confirmation arrived…" Blaine admitted. "When we got refused you were so upset it… it didn't seem right to ask you. I was saving to take us to England… so we could do it legally. But if you're in agreement I'd love to use that money instead to pay Rachel's pregnancy costs."  
"Of course," Kurt said, touched that Blaine wanted to marry him. He lay his head on Blaine's shoulder comfortingly.

"We have to tell dad and Carole… and your dad!" Kurt said with a smile, a million thoughts occurring to him at once.  
"So that's a yes?" Rachel asked.  
"Yes yes a thousand times yes!" Kurt chirped, flinging himself away from Blaine to hug Rachel tightly. "Thank you so much!" It was only after Rachel, Finn and Liam had left their house that Kurt allowed it to sink in.

"We're going to have a baby." He told Blaine who smiled warmly in return.  
"Yeah we are." Blaine said. "Just… don't get too excited. Even if Rachel's cycle is perfect after coming off the pill it can take 6-12 months to conceive and…"  
"Stop being so practical." Kurt said batting his hand, he leaned in and kissed Blaine. "We're going to have a baby!"

Rachel and Finn were in charge of calling friends to tell them the good news, whilst Kurt was in charge of telling his family, and Blaine in charge of his. Blaine was at his dad's when Kurt decided to approach his father, in the auto shop. Finn was working on a car near by and shot his step brother a thumbs up and a goofy smile.  
"So… you know how the adoption panel said no." Kurt told his dad, circling the car Burt was working on slowly.  
"Yeah and I still think you should fight it Kurt, you're a grown man now, nearly 30, but if you need me to fight your corner I'm all over it, there is NO reason you shouldn't have a kid."  
"I know… thank you for that but… we're not going to fight it." Kurt sighed dejectedly. "It'd take lawyers and money and all our time."  
"If you really want to be a dad Kurt you have to be willing to put in those hours." Burt said, throwing down his oily rag and looking at his son. Kurt nodded.  
"We're going to. But not with adoption. We're going to use a surrogate."  
"Can you afford that? And isn't it kinda risky Kurt I mean I'm all for it if it's what you really want but you know the law leans on the side of the birth mother…. If she changes her mind…"

"She won't."  
"She? You've already found someone?" Burt asked sounding slightly surprised. Kurt nodded, grinning from ear to ear.  
"Rachel."  
"Finn's Rachel?" He asked in shock. Kurt nodded.  
"She volunteered to do it for us. Isn't that great?" He beamed. "You're gonna be a granddaddy… again!" He added, knowing Burt saw Liam as his grandson despite not being Finn's birth father. Burt looked, confused, slightly alarmed, but he smiled.  
"I'm happy for you Kurt. Finn… You two are sure about this?"  
"Yes sir." Finn nodded. "Kurt and Blaine want a baby and Rachel's not exactly using her womb right now… we wanna help out." Burt clapped Finn hard between the shoulders.  
"You're a good man Finn. I'm gonna be a grandpa again." He cheered, hugging Kurt

A/n: Well Burt's happy about the idea. Reviews feed the boy love! Please please please take 5 seconds to review so I know what people's thoughts and views are.


	3. Let's make a baby

A/n: there's an alternate (dirtier) version of this chapter posted at the same time, click my name to check it out.

Blaine's dad was less than happy about the idea, he came home that night looking severely dejected.  
"I know my dad's never really been cool with the whole me being gay thing but I thought… hoped he'd support me." He told Kurt sadly. Kurt hugged him close as Blaine continued. "He gave me a huge lecture on 'you are what you are but it's not fair to inflict that on a baby.'" Blaine mumbled his words, evidently upset.  
"Blaine I'm so sorry." Kurt said sympathetically. "He'll come round… I'm sure."  
"He said Cooper never gave him any of this hassle."  
"Doesn't Cooper have like 5 kids to a bunch of different moms?"  
"Yeah." Blaine sighed and broke the hug. "I really want to do this. But above all I want to do this with you." He promised. Kurt smiled and kissed his boyfriend on the lips.

"I have a question." Blaine said eventually. "Would you like to be the father of our child?" Kurt touched his hand to heart, honoured that Blaine would ask him.  
"I thought that you'd want to…"  
"I do… but I know how much being a dad means to you Kurt…" Blaine raised his hand to cup Kurt's face and spoke directly into his eyes.  
"It means a lot to both of us," Kurt said. "I was thinking… we should do what Rachel's dads did. Mix it all up and that way we'll never know."  
"That's beautifully romantic… and a little gross." Blaine said, stroking his thumb over Kurt's lips.  
"We just have to wait for Rachel to give us a call to say she's ovulating…" Kurt's eyes flitted to the phone, as though expecting it to ring.

"I just don't understand!" Rachel complained staring at the negative ovulation test. "I stopped taking the pill, I started on folic acid…"  
"Rachel chill, the doctor said it might take a month or two for you to get back to normal." Finn said rubbing Rachel's shoulders. She glared at him.  
"This is your fault, it was your idea for me to take the contraceptive pill even though it made me gain weight, and now it means Kurt and Blaine can't have their baby this month!" She fumed. Finn sighed. Rachel was very irrational sometimes, and given she'd just gotten home from her job at the community theatre she seemed extra tense.  
"Next month okay." He told her, "Next month you guys can try."  
"Fine but you're the one calling Kurt and Blaine." She huffed stomping off into Liam's room. He was sat up in bed, playing with a toy Unicorn Brittany had given him on the day he was born.

"Mommy needs a cuddle." She said, sitting on the bed, the toddler threw his pudgy arms around his mother's neck.  
"Don't be sad mommy." He said nuzzling into her neck. "Here." He handed her his unicorn toy with little thought to his own loss. She cuddled him and the unicorn close.  
"I love you baby."  
"Not a baby!" Liam complained. Finn laughed from the doorway.  
"Yeah mommy, he's not a baby." Finn scolded her playfully.  
"He's my baby." She chided and kissed him on his forehead.

The next month Rachel bounded over to Kurt and Blaine's house with gusto.  
"I'm ovulating!" She chirped.  
"Today?" Kurt asked in shock, letting her and a bedraggled looking Finn into his home.  
"Yeah are you ready, we're gonna make you a baby!"  
"This is the most awkward day of my life." Finn muttered to Blaine. "I've had to listen to her for a whole month babbling on about her 'menstrual cycle' when she's on her period and what her temperature is. It's insane." Blaine nodded in agreement, he could definitely see how that could be awkward, especially with Rachel's unbridled enthusiasm. She pulled out of her handbag a turkey baster, and a small opaque cup with a lid on it.  
"Where's Liam?" Kurt asked trying to draw attention away from Rachel's items.  
"We left him on his own." Joked Finn.  
"He's with my dads." Rachel responded seriously. "They wish us all good luck!" She added, shaking the tub in front of Kurt and Blaine. "Go go go, I read that the average ovulation window is only open for a few hours!" She said ushering Kurt and Blaine into the bathroom.

"This is weird." Kurt admitted, staring at the cup between them.  
"Very." Blaine nodded. "Still want to go through with it."  
"Mmhmm… you?" He asked worriedly, afraid that Blaine would change his mind. Blaine instead leaned in and kissed Kurt.  
"Let's make a baby."

"I did everything by the book." Rachel gushed coming downstairs to where Kurt, Blaine and Finn sat in an awkward silence. "I kept my hips elevated for a half hour after the insemination and I have a chart of my basal body temperature and cervical mucus so…"  
"Enough," Finn mumbled embarrassedly. "We'll uh… get back to you guys in two weeks okay."  
"Two weeks?"  
"That's when I can take a pregnancy test." Rachel said excitedly. Kurt stood up and crossed to Rachel, to look his best friend in the eye. He hugged her.  
"Thank you, so much Rachel." He whispered in her ear.  
"You're welcome." She whispered back. "Good luck."

"I hope to god she is pregnant because that was the most awkward day of my life." Finn mumbled to Kurt and Blaine as he left.

A/n: The reason this chapter is so short is because there's a longer, fuller length M rated version of this chapter available as a separate story. Go check it out. Please please PLEASE review?


	4. 30 minutes

A/n: Song used in this chapter is 30 minutes by Tatu

The next two weeks were unbearable for Finn who had to listen to Rachel chatter endlessly about her temperature rising, and her cervical mucus viscosity.  
"I don't remember all this with Liam." He muttered to her one evening 13 days after the awkward day at Kurt and Blaine's. They had made a pact not to test until day 14 to avoid any false negatives.  
"We didn't try with Liam he just… happened." She said caressing her son. Rachel hated living back in Ohio after the glamour and glitz of New York City, but she had a steady job teaching performing arts at the community theatre, and a healthy happy three year old. She couldn't ask for more. Or could she? Had she given up on her dreams of stardom? Had she traded it all in for mediocrity and domesticity? She felt tears prick her eyes but before they could fall she suddenly burst out.  
"I'M HORMONAL!" She squeaked. "That's a great sign!" She cheered. Finn banged his head against the side of the couch. He had forgotten how mental Rachel was when pregnant, apparently she was just as bad whilst trying for a baby.

* * *

"I really FEEL pregnant." Rachel chirped early that morning, pulling on her coat as they headed over to the Anderson-Hummel household to take the test. They had all agreed that the test should take place at their house ("In the spirit of things to come." - Rachel) even though Finn was slightly anxious, surely it would soften the blow if the test came back negative for Blaine and Kurt if it weren't at their house. Rachel was adamant and what Rachel wanted Rachel got.

Kurt had never looked more nervous as he welcomed his brother, his wife and their son into their house. Blaine looked equally fraught, his eyebrows knotted and kept wringing his hands. Rachel grinned.  
"My breasts are sore." She announced as though she were giving them a kitten. Kurt smiled weakly, he didn't want to get his hopes up but Rachel's bouncy boisterous attitude was rubbing off on him.  
"Take the test." He urged holding her hands. "We really can't wait another minute."  
"You'll have to wait four minutes." She told him, and vanished upstairs.

They were the longest four minutes of Blaine's life, a million thoughts running through his head, with Kurt pacing the living room, Liam running round like a mad thing, and Finn glancing at his watch every 5 seconds. To pass the time Blaine sparked up a song.

"_Out of sight_  
_Out of mind_  
_Out of time_  
_To decide._" He sang clearly, looking at Kurt. Kurt gulped and nodded, joining in.

"_Do we run?_  
_Should I hide?_  
_For the rest_  
_Of my life_  
_Can we fly?_  
_Do I stay?_  
_We could lose_  
_We could fail._" Kurt's voice shook as he sang, the last two lines he sang with a note of fear. Rachel might not be pregnant. It was a huge gamble on one attempt.

"_30 minutes, a blink of an eye_  
_30 minutes, to alter our lives_  
_30 minutes, to make up my mind_  
_30 minutes, to finally decide_." Kurt closed his eyes singing in harmony with Blaine while Finn checked his watch. Liam watched in utter fascination. His dream of being a performer forming right then and there.

"_30 minutes, to whisper your name_  
_30 minutes, to shoulder the blame_  
_30 minutes, of bliss, thirty lies_  
_30 minutes, to finally decide_." In a few minutes they would all know… Kurt felt his heart on strings as he waited.

"_Under shade_  
_Silhouettes_  
_Casting shade_  
_Crying rain_

_Can we fly?_  
_Do I stay?_  
_We could lose_  
_We could fail_." Blaine took Kurt's hands and stilled him from his pacing.

"_Either way_  
_Options change_  
_Chances fail_  
_Trains derail_." He sang, looking into Kurt's eyes. Kurt couldn't wait anymore, he whimpered knowing it would all be over very soon.

"3_0 minutes, a blink of an eye_  
_30 minutes, to alter our lives_  
_30 minutes, to make up my mind_  
_30 minutes, to finally decide_

_30 minutes, to whisper your name_  
_30 minutes, to shoulder the blame_  
_30 minutes, of bliss, thirty lies_  
_30 minutes, to finally decide_."

Rachel came down the stairs, with the test in her hand.  
"_To decide_." The clock ticked as they stared at her.  
"_To decide_." Blaine finished.

Rachel was silent for a moment, pausing for some dramatic effect before she breathed.  
"Congratulations!" Blaine hurried forward and took the test from her, two small pink lines decided his future. He looked at Kurt,  
"It's positive,"  
"Are you sure?" He asked in disbelief. "It's real, it's not a mistake, you're sure you peed on the stick right?"  
"I thought you might say that." Rachel beamed, pulling another out from behind her back. "I took two, Both positive. You're gonna be daddies!" She chimed. Kurt sat down, gulping for air, he fanned his face with his hands. It was suddenly very real. Rachel was having their son or daughter. He was going to be a father. Blaine looked equally stunned.  
"I… don't believe it. I can't believe it only took one go." Blaine breathed staring at the pink lines in absolute shock.  
"Congratulations guys." Finn said, dreading the next nine months with his hormonal wife, but pleased for his brother and his boyfriend.

Kurt sat still, smiling and crying as people hugged him.  
"Is Uncle Kurt happy or sad?" Liam asked in cute confusion.  
"Happy." Blaine said picking up the dark haired toddler and cuddling him close. It was Finn who saw it first. The fear in Blaine's eyes. The doubt. He put his hand on Blaine's shoulder.  
"You'll be fine." He promised. Blaine just smiled weakly.

* * *

Over the next few weeks Blaine felt further and further away from reality, he didn't feel capable of joining in with Kurt and Rachel's obsessive baby talk, or get excited about the upcoming doctor's visits. A dark fear had settled over him, the gnawing thought that he wasn't cut out to be a father, that maybe his dad was right, maybe two men shouldn't raise a baby. He buried his head in his hands while Rachel announce her scan date.  
"Aren't you excited?" Kurt asked Blaine, having noticed his absence in the conversation. Kurt had been so blinded with baby glee he hadn't really been aware of Blaine's worries, and Blaine hadn't exactly been quick to voice them.  
"No…" Blaine whispered weakly. Kurt raised an eyebrow, Rachel fell quiet. "I'm sorry I can't do this." He said, standing up and grabbing his coat. He walked out of the house, leaving a very confused Kurt and Rachel sat at the kitchen table.

A/n: Uh oh. Blaine's having second thoughts? Reviews are really really important guys I want to know how you feel about everything going on in the story so please please please leave a review.


	5. Fear

A/n: So I'll tell you a secret, I'm on chapter 13 of this now, and it's becoming VERY complicated and plot twisty. Lots of unexpected drama coming up! Hope you enjoy Blaine's little blip.

Blaine's feet pounded the pavement as he walked, half running, anywhere away from his home. He was scared, he hadn't expected it to happen so quickly and now he had only 8 months to prepare to share his love with Kurt and a baby, he wasn't sure he'd be ready. He ended up at the garage Kurt's dad owned.  
"You okay dude?" Finn asked, appearing from behind a bonnet. In his uniform and covered in grease Finn looked like a real adult, Blaine didn't feel like an adult, he felt like a scared teenager again.  
"No…" Blaine muttered. "I… I think I'm leaving Kurt," He whispered.  
"What!? Dude uncool!" Finn put down the carburetor he was working on and went to sit beside Blaine who looked as lost as he sounded. "A month ago you wanted to marry him…"  
"A month ago seems like forever ago…" Blaine spoke to his brightly coloured shoes, just another sign that he wasn't mature enough to raise a child. "I just… I can't do this whole family thing. I thought I could… I thought it's what I wanted."  
"Isn't it?"  
"Look at me…" Blaine said. "I'm no grown up… I don't know the first thing about kids."  
"Is that all that's wrong?" Finn queried.

"Finn… you don't understand… I don't know how to be a dad." Blaine admitted.  
"Nobody does… look." Finn cut him off. "I'll level with you. A woman becomes a mother the second she sees those lines on that stick… a dude doesn't become a father until he holds his kid in his arms."  
"Kurt's already set on being a dad…"  
"Yeah well… Kurt's a little bit more effeminate than you." Finn said dismissively "You think I didn't have that same moment of 'oh my god I can't do this' when Quinn told me she was knocked up? When Rachel fell pregnant with Liam I was TERRIFIED…"  
"You were? You seemed so happy…"  
"I pretended to be happy." Finn said. "For Rachel. But seriously… I doubted myself. It sounds kinda awful but I doubted her too." He admitted.

"That fear didn't go away… it didn't magically vanish when I saw her ultrasound, it didn't calm down when she talked about names… until he was born. The minute I held Liam in my arms it all came flooding in… this urge to protect, to love and to nurture and all that kicked in… I knew I could do it." Blaine swallowed.  
"You really think that'll happen?"  
"Yes." Finn promised.  
"I just… I'm scared that maybe the adoption panel were onto something. Maybe two gay guys in Ohio aren't meant to raise a child."  
"Rachel's dads managed just fine…"  
"But… what if it's a boy… what if we… turn him gay?" Blaine said, knowing how crazy he sounded.  
"What's wrong with that?" Finn asked.  
"I just… I don't want our kid to have to go through what we went through in high school…" Blaine stared at the ceiling of the garage, thinking hard.  
"As long as you love him you'll be fine." Finn said reassuringly.  
"I… don't know that I can."  
"Gay or straight a man loves his kid no matter what." Finn promised him, squeezing his shoulder tightly. Blaine shook his head, he just wasn't sure. "Wanna help me fix up this old Hyundai?" Blaine nodded. Anything for a distraction.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Kurt asked, glancing at the clock, grateful that Blaine had come home. "It's dark out you weren't answering your cell… I was really worried."  
"I had to clear my head," Blaine said. "It won't happen again."  
"Why did you just take off?" Kurt looked so hurt.  
"I'm scared…" He confessed. "I'm scared Kurt." Kurt stood up and looked Blaine in the eye.  
"Scared of what exactly." He whispered, his voice dangerously low.  
"Being a dad! Having a baby!"  
"This is what we wanted…" Kurt said shaking his head in disbelief. He wasn't hearing this.  
"No Kurt it's what YOU wanted!" Blaine shouted. Kurt immediately recoiled. He couldn't remember the last time Blaine had shouted at him.

"You… don't want our baby?" He asked weakly.  
"Kurt I'm sorry I just…" Blaine started but trailed off knowing he couldn't really deny it and Kurt saw right through him.  
"Get out." Kurt whispered.  
"What?"  
"You heard me! Get out!" Kurt fumed, tears streaming from his beautiful eyes. Blaine gulped and nodded. He grabbed his wallet and headed for the nearest motel. Kurt flung himself onto the couch and sobbed himself to sleep, alone in front of the fireplace.

* * *

"I uh… brought you some stuff." Finn mumbled, handing Blaine a bag at the door of his room in the dingy motel. "Clothes and a razor, hair gel and y'know… stuff you need." Blaine nodded and accepted the duffel bag, he allowed Finn into the room.  
"How's Kurt?" He asked.  
"Hurt. Rachel's with him now." Blaine sighed and nodded.  
"Did you really tell him you didn't want the baby?" Finn asked.  
"I never said that!" Blaine objected. "I tried to tell him I was scared and he just… freaked out."  
"Yeah he does that sometimes… a lot of the time." Finn admitted, knowing his brother well. "Do you want the baby?"  
"I don't know man… I just… don't know." He sighed heavily.

Meanwhile with Rachel and Kurt Rachel was doing was Rachel did best… over reacting.  
"I can't believe he said that! I can't believe he did that! I am carrying his future son or daughter and he picks NOW to change his mind!" She fumed.  
"I know right!" Kurt exclaimed dabbing at his eyes with a hanky. "He should have said something before."  
"What a coward, a grade A coward. Kurt you deserve someone better I don't blame you for splitting up with him!" She raged.  
"Splitting up?" Kurt gasped. "No it was just a silly fight that's all… he'll come home he'll say he's sorry and we'll be back to normal." He said, trying to convince himself as much as Rachel.  
"And what if he doesn't?" Rachel asked placing her hand on her stomach. At one month gone she didn't look remotely pregnant but held her tummy for emphasis. "Do you still want the baby?"  
"Will you still give me him or her if I'm single?" Kurt sniffed.  
"Of course I will Kurt. I did this for you, not for Blaine, not Finn, not even myself Kurt." She hugged him tightly.

The door opened and Finn arrived.  
"What did he say?" Kurt asked, desperate for news.  
"He's really confused right now Kurt… he says he loves you." Kurt touched his hand to his heart.  
"And?" He prompted.  
"And that's it." Finn said frowning, Kurt's face fell. "He's confused and he's scared… just give him some time."  
"Time? We don't have time! The baby's coming in 8 months… he has to be ready." Rachel snapped.  
"How much time?" Kurt asked worriedly.  
"I dunno. I'm sorry bro." Finn said rubbing his step brother's shoulder.

Kurt didn't sleep that night. His bed felt so empty without Blaine… where was he anyway? All Finn had said was that he was at a motel. Would he really rather be at some shoddy motel instead of here, in their all-but-marital bed? Kurt thought hard about the last 12 years with Blaine… every kiss every touch every time they had made love. Had it all been building up to this? Parenthood or separation? He really wanted a baby, but was it worth losing Blaine over? Then again did he really want Blaine if Blaine didn't want a baby?  
"Why is everything so complicated?" Kurt asked the pillow beside him, normally cradling Blaine's head of curly hair at the point. He sniffed. It wasn't fair. Why did he have to change his mind now? The baby was on it's way and nothing would stop that. How much time did Blaine need to remember that Kurt loved him?

A/n: Dun dun duh! Reviews are very much appreciated!


	6. The Baby's Gender

A/n: How are you liking the story so far, I promise Blaine's gonna buck up in a bit.

Blaine didn't call the next day. Or the next. As the days flew by Kurt began to lose hope that he would call at all. Days turned into weeks and the leaves began to change. Kurt felt hopelessly lost, and his bed seemed far too big. Blaine was staying away… surely that meant it was over?  
"My 12 week scan's next week… if you still want to come." Rachel prompted one night. Kurt snapped back to reality and nodded.  
"Will we find out the baby's gender?" He asked trying to sound as though he'd been paying attention.  
"We should do." Rachel said softly. She could see her friend was hurting even if he was trying his best to put on a brave face.  
"I look forward to it." He said. Over the last 8 weeks Rachel had produced a sizeable bump, Kurt couldn't help but admire her for her ability to pull off an elasticised waistband.

Blaine was also going through hell. He'd nearly run out of money for the motel and still hadn't come to a decision about what to do about Kurt and the baby. Every night he lay in bed alone and stared at the phone, twice he'd picked it up, ready to dial Kurt just to hear his voice. Both times he'd chickened out. He had nothing to say yet. The more he thought about it the more convinced he was that he couldn't raise a baby. The very fact that he was holed up in some cheap motel rather than facing his problem head on spoke volumes. He knew he loved Kurt and missed him dearly but he was so frightened he couldn't face his lover at all.  
"You're a coward, Anderson." He muttered, once again hanging up the phone. He turned on the crackly radio.  
"Bit of Nostalgia here for you." The DJ announced and a beat started up.

"Just when it's getting good  
I slowly start to freeze  
Just when it's feeling real  
I put my heart to sleep." He sang in his soft voice, looking at the picture of Kurt beside the phone

"It's the memory, I can see  
Then this fear comes over me  
Understand that I don't mean  
To push you away from me" He could picture Kurt, home alone, and it hurt. He missed Kurt.

"Why am I so afraid to crash down  
And lose my heart again?  
I don't know, I can't see  
What's come over me

Why am I so afraid to break down  
And lose my mind again?  
I don't know, I can't see  
What's come over me." He stood up to sing, looking out the window at Lima Ohio. No place to raise a baby. Kurt seemed happy with his job as a manager at The Gap, but was it really what he wanted? Their dreams of stardom had dwindled and crashed.

"You got a way  
Of easing me out of myself  
I can't stay but I can't leave  
I am my worst enemy." He hated himself for what he knew he must be doing to Kurt.

"Please understand that it's not you  
It's what I do  
Just when I'm about to run  
I realize what I've become."

"Why am I so afraid to crash down  
And lose my heart again?  
I don't know, I can't see  
What's come over me

Why am I so afraid to break down  
And lose my mind again?  
I don't know, I can't see  
What's come over me." 'Oh Vanessa how do you know exactly what's going through my head?' Blaine thought with a sigh and continued softly

"Now I wonder what you think of me  
Don't know why I break so easily  
All my fears are armed surrounding me  
I can't get no sleep  
I keep running in circles around you  
Are you the trap I wanna fall into?

I'm so alone without you  
Without you.  
Why am I so afraid?" He sighed and flung himself back on the bed, too afraid to call.

* * *

Rachel lay down on the recliner, the sonographer said  
"This might feel a little cold." Before rubbing some gel on her belly and running a wand over it. Kurt held his breath as a blurry sonogram picture appeared on the screen. It was small and not quite formed, but that was his child.  
"Oh my god Rachel." Kurt whispered, transfixed by the image.  
"Is it a boy or a girl?" Rachel asked, squeezing Kurt's hand. Finn stood to one side feeling a bit like a third wheel. He was proud of his wife but it was a little bit weird that she was carrying his brother's child.  
"It's a girl." Said the doctor.  
"A girl…" Kurt said breathlessly. "A baby girl."  
"See her little hand," Rachel said pointing to the screen. Kurt couldn't stop beaming even though a sinking sensation in his stomach told him Blaine should be here for this. She was his daughter too.

"Can I… get an extra copy of the picture?" He asked hesitantly. The sonographer nodded.  
"For Burt?" Rachel asked. Kurt shook his head and looked pleadingly at his brother.  
"Can you tell me what motel Blaine's staying at?"  
"Sure." Finn nodded.

* * *

Kurt had to seriously brace himself before he knocked on the door. The motel was run down, frankly the clashing wallpaper and carpet made him cringe. His heart leapt as the latch went on the door. Blaine stood there, shocked to see him.  
"Hi…" Blaine whispered.  
"Hi." Kurt said back awkwardly.  
"I miss you." Blaine blurted, standing to one side to let Kurt into his box room. Kurt nodded and walked in, standing stiffly, he spoke to his shoes.  
"Rachel had her scan yesterday…" Blaine nodded before realising Kurt wasn't looking at him.  
"And…" He prompted.  
"And it was the most amazing experience of my life…" Kurt whipped out the photo, held it close to his heart for a second then handed it to Blaine. Blaine's face softened looking at the blurry black and white photo of his child.  
"Do you really not want her?" He asked weakly.  
"Her?" Blaine whispered. Kurt nodded and for the first time he looked Blaine in the eye. "Kurt I want you… I want to want the baby I'm just… you have to understand it scares me." He said softly.  
"I… think I do." Kurt admitted. "When Rachel's was waiting there for her scan I felt a million different emotions. Pride and love and fear. It was only fleeting but I felt it."

Blaine nodded and sat down on the bed, photo still in hand.  
"Can I… keep this?" He asked hesitantly. Kurt nodded and Blaine tucked it onto his bedside table, beside a photo of Kurt.  
"Come home Blaine. We'll work through this together." Kurt begged, sitting beside his estranged lover on the cheap motel bed. The springs creaked awkwardly beneath them. Blaine sighed.  
"Believe me Kurt I want to." He swore. "I just… I'm not ready."  
"Blaine…"  
"Please hear me out. I'm not ready to jump into this without my mind being made up. It's not fair on you for me to come back while I'm still undecided. I keep waiting for the love to overwhelm the fear and it's just not happened yet. I love you… and I think I love our child I'm just SO scared that I'll mess up, so scared that I can't be a dad… I don't know how to be."  
"The baby's on her way whether you like it or not." Kurt said firmly. "You need to do some serious growing up Blaine."  
"I know that!" Blaine cried in frustration. "I just don't think I can do that in a house where you and Rachel are constantly babbling about trimesters and due dates." Kurt sighed and nodded.  
"When you're ready." Kurt said. "You'll always have a place at our house." He promised, and hugged Blaine who just sat there, unresponsive but when he pulled back Blaine was crying. Kurt wiped the tears away with his thumb.

"I love you." He told Blaine. "Take all the time you need." He kissed Blaine on the cheek and let himself out. Blaine looked at the sonogram picture on his bedside table. His daughter.

* * *

"Adorable!" Rachel cried pointing out a very frilly dress. Kurt shook his head. He had made a mental note to push for a baby Gap department at work, in such a small town they were really missing out on a niche market, plus he'd get a sizeable discount. Instead they were in Babies R Us browsing racks of baby girls clothes.  
"No way am I subjecting my baby to anything with frills!" He said dismissing it instantly. "This is kind of cute though." He added pointing to a Burberry play suit in newborn size.  
"She's going to be the best dressed baby in Ohio." Rachel complimented adding it to their growing basket. Rachel's phone rang as they were perusing baby grows ('you'll need a LOT of them Kurt so buy cheap and buy many!') she pulled it out and stared at the caller ID. She fell quiet.  
"What do you think… is a black baby grow both practical and fashionable, or a little morbid?" Kurt asked. "What's wrong?"  
"Blaine's calling…" She said softly.  
"Answer it!" Kurt urged and Rachel did so, Kurt pressed his face to Rachel's on the other side of the phone so he could hear everything that was said.

"Hey."  
"Hey." Rachel said hesitantly.  
"Are you free today?" Kurt nodded vigorously at her.  
"Uh yeah sure why?" Rachel said as instructed.  
"I don't suppose you'd meet me at the Lima Bean?" Blaine asked hopefully. "I need to get out of this funk and talk to someone and I'm just not ready to face Kurt so I could really REALLY use a friend right now. I know it's a lot to ask…"  
"What time?" Rachel cut him off.  
"In about an hour?"  
"I'll meet you there."

A/n: Song is 'Afraid' By Vanessa Hudgens. Reviews inspire me to write!


	7. Baby Shower

A/n: *hums* happy birthday to me. Here, have a new chapter as a present.

"You're glowing…" Blaine complimented, pulling a chair out for her. Rachel smiled wanly at him and sat down. "Can I get you anything?"  
"Decaf latte please." He vanished to the counter, returning a few moments later. "Why did you ask me here?" She asked him when he sat down handing her her drink.  
"How's Kurt?"  
"Blaine I refuse to be your go between. Kurt wants me to reassure you, tell you that you can have all the time you want to make up your mind… I want to tell you to grow up." She said bluntly. "You have 6 months until this baby - your baby arrives. You really think you can take that long to decide? You say you're not sure how to be a dad… I'll tell you now you need to work WITH Kurt not against him, you can't just walk away from him and expect things to be okay after months apart."  
"I… I know." Blaine said, apparently ashamed.  
"Ask him out Blaine." She urged. "Talk about anything other than the baby if you need to, just don't shut Kurt out of your life."  
"I don't mean to…"

"Let me ask you something Blaine." Rachel said primly, sipping at her decaffeinated drink. "If Kurt were a girl… and he were pregnant, would you run away?"  
"Of course not!"  
"Then grow a pair… because this is no different." Rachel was very forthright.  
"I'm sorry to you… and Kurt. But I just haven't made my mind up yet. I was thinking of throwing you a baby shower…" He started but Rachel cut him off.  
"Kurt's already on it… it's on the 18th if you want to come…"

* * *

Over the next three weeks Kurt threw himself into the preparations for Rachel's baby shower. The phone tree stretched all over America, as he dialled friends from all walks of life. In the end he'd managed to secure every original member of the Glee club apart from Mercedes, who was singing on a cruise ship as a regular gig and Rory who was back home in Ireland.  
"That's everyone." Kurt said to no one as he hung up the phone. It rang again straight away. It was work. "Hello? Yes… you liked the idea? Really?" He sounded flustered. When he finally hung up the phone he wished he had someone to share the brilliant news with.

* * *

Finn Liam and Rachel arrived first to a room festooned with pink and silver banners, a table full of finger sandwiches and an anxious looking Kurt. At 4 months pregnant Rachel was definitely showing.  
"You sure you're not having twins?" Asked a voice at the open door. Rachel and Kurt turned to see Quinn, struggling with a stroller carrying twin boys.  
"Definitely not!" Rachel laughed running to hug her old friend and helping her get the double wide stroller through the door. Both babies, Matthew and Mark, were wide awake and staring up at the world around them.  
"They're getting so big!" Kurt chimed.  
"Three months old." Quinn said, she looked as beautiful as ever with a sheer blonde bob and painted pink lips, though she looked a little tired. "And raising hell every day - good luck!" She added sycophantically, getting both of her sons out of the stroller and sitting down on the couch.

Tina and Mike arrived together with their five year old Harry Cohen-Chang-Chang. Tina had insisted on keeping her name when they married, which provided many a joke.  
"You're huge!" Harry said wide-eyed.  
"Shh." Mike hissed embarrassed at his son.  
"Well she is." Harry objected and his mother silenced him with a finger sandwich. Shelby and Beth arrived with a huge box and added it to the mounting table of presents. Kurt greeted them all with smiled hugs and kisses. Liam and Harry began a game of snap in the corner, Liam being a little too young to really understand just kept yelling 'SNAP' and hitting Harry's outstretched hand.

"Well well well lady lips, who'd have thought you were man enough to make a baby." Santana said affectionately, Brittany in tow.  
"Hello to you too Santana."  
"I thought penises were for making babies and gay guys were born without them, like GI Joe and Malibu Ken." Brittany admitted putting their present on the table.  
"Speaking of which…" Santana said scanning the room after saying her hellos. "Where's Mr Hummel at?"  
"Blaine's…" Started Kurt, not sure how to phrase it.  
"Right here." Blaine said, sidling into the room, skirting past Brittany and wrapping his arm loosely around Kurt's waist. Kurt tried not to look surprised but leaned into Blaine and whispered.  
"Are you here because you want to be at your daughter's shower or just for show?" He asked barely moving his lips.  
"A bit of both." Blaine admitted, kissing Kurt on the cheek. "I missed you." before Kurt could reply with a slightly scathing sassy comment Mr Shuester, Emma and Jayma arrived.

10 year old Jayma was the spit of her mother in every way apart from…  
"Well if it isn't the curly haired demon herself." Sue had arrived, she ruffled Jayma's hair sending the small girl into a fit of fear and distress that each curl wasn't exactly in the place she'd left it . "Heard about your shindig Porcelain, other gay," She said acknowledging each of them. "Thought I'd drop by and offer my sincere congratulations at bringing another ragtag misfit into an already over populated planet." Kurt shook Sue's hand.  
"You didn't bring Robin?" Blaine asked conversationally.  
"She's at home teaching a bunch of 8 year old Filipino orphans the difference between right wing and left wing politics." Sue said dismissively, eyeing a finger sandwich. Puck arrived next bringing a six pack, and Sam brought a case. Puck seemed genuinely happy to see Beth who was now a little lady in her own right, with long blonde hair and bright green eyes.

"Right!" Kurt said when everybody had gathered around (Artie arriving last, Sugar and Joe arrived together causing a few raised eyebrows). "We're going to separate, guys in the dining room, girls stay here in the sitting room." The girls cheered at having their own girly chat and the men (excluding the children) cleared into the kitchen, cracking open a beer each and occasionally peeking in on their wives and girlfriends.  
"You know I am so proud of you." Mr Shue said. Despite being their peer now rather than their teacher the old gang still referred to him as Mr Shue. "Most of you are turning 30, all of you have steady jobs and most of you have or are having kids. You're all grown up." He said proudly.  
"Don't get soft on us Mr Shue." Puck laughed.  
"To Kurt and Blaine." Sam said raising his can.  
"Here here!" Came the collective call.

"So… I have to ask." Blaine said, his arm still around Kurt who hadn't said two words to him since the men and women had separated. "What's fatherhood like?"  
"Terrifying!" Mike chipped in.  
"Exhausting." Puck added. Kurt wavered, knowing this was doing nothing for Blaine's doubts and fears.  
"There's a reason I haven't done it yet!" Sam chimed.  
"But it's amazing." Mr Shue said eventually. "The most rewarding experience of your life."  
"Yeah it's brilliant. The milestones especially." Mike grinned, clapping Blaine on the shoulder. "You just wait until she says 'Dada' for the first time."  
"Jayma's first word was 'order'…" Mr Shue said embarrassedly. Everyone laughed.  
"So… What you're all saying is being a dad is a good thing." Kurt prompted squeezing Blaine's hand.  
"Totally." Mike said.  
"Best thing that ever happened to me." Puck said with a small smile.  
"Absolutely the best decision I ever made." Mr Shue added. Kurt smiled up at Blaine who looked a bit distant.  
"I can't wait until I have kids." Joe said with a smile. "I'd love to be a dad."

There was a cry of happiness from next door and Kurt bobbed his head in.  
"Anything exciting ladies?"  
"Well so far Rachel has some sexy new undies…" Sugar said cheerily.  
"For after the baby's born." Quinn added.  
"A bottle of vodka she can't drink and a new nighty."  
"And baby Hummel-Anderson has some booties." Brittany said waving some booties with a unicorn horn on them. "I can't tell if your baby is a girl or a gay baby boy." She said pointing at all the pink. "I figured there were unisex."  
"And why the screaming?" He asked.  
"A book of baby names." Rachel chirped handing the book to Kurt who smiled broadly.  
"Thank you." He addressed the girls, looking at their beautiful children all playing together ignoring the age gaps. "Blaine and I will read through this tonight." He turned into the kitchen and looked at Blaine who was eavesdropping. "That is… if you're staying tonight?" He asked hopefully.  
"If you'll have me."

A/n: Also it was my 22nd birthday yesterday, reviews make lovely birthday present xx


	8. By Any Other Name

A/n: Sorry it's taken so long to update this (I got ticked off with season 4... I sort of didn't forgive the writers…) however, I _just _got a review from GypsyDancer2486 asking for an update and as I have a bunch of this written I figured I should give you the next chapter so here, enjoy.

When the friends were gone and the party was over, Blaine helped Kurt clean up, he carefully stacked the presents for the baby to one side, they included the unicorn booties from Brittany, a baby grow that read 'sassy b*tch' from Santana ('we'll say she threw up on it and it didn't come out of the wash properly…' - Kurt), and a baby monitor from Mike and Tina.

"So…" Kurt said awkwardly when the last banners were taken down and the remaining finger sandwiches placed in the fridge for later consumption. "Have you made up your mind?"  
"Yeah." Blaine said nodding slowly. He turned to look at Kurt and took his hands. "I love you, and I want to make this work, I don't know how to be a dad but I'll learn, with you." He promised. Kurt smiled and kissed Blaine for the first time in months, it felt like forever until their lips broke apart.  
"I'll help you learn." Kurt swore. "Let's… go to bed." He said clutching Blaine's hand and taking him upstairs. Blaine noted that he had the baby book in his top shirt pocket.

For the longest time they just lay together, in silence, enjoying each other's company after such a long time spent apart. Blaine spooned Kurt and breathed softly in his ear.  
"Let's… look at that book." Blaine said eventually.  
"It's a nice sentiment but I was thinking of naming her after one of the greats you know…" Kurt said opening the book. "Barbara or Judy or…"  
"They're lovely but quite old fashioned." Blaine said rationally, looking over Kurt's shoulder at the A's. "Aaliyah?"  
"Too RnB." Kurt said shaking his head. "Bette?" He asked silently, pointing to the entry in the book.  
"Davis or Midler?"  
"Either."  
"Still too old fashioned."  
"Crap all over my ideas why don't you." Kurt murmured.  
"How about we think about it in the morning?" Blaine purred in his ear, his hand sliding slowly across Kurt's chest. Kurt batted it away. "What's the matter?"

"I just… we can't just pretend the last nine weeks didn't happen Blaine!" Kurt said dramatically. "You left me holding the baby… literally. And I know you're sorry and I know you were scared but Blaine it's going to take ME some time to forgive you for that." Kurt rolled over to look Blaine in the eye. "I just… I need to know you're in this for the long haul." He whispered, stroking Blaine's face. "Until I'm sure of that I'm not sure I'm ready to be intimate," Blaine nodded.  
"I hurt you… I get that. I can only say how sorry I am… do you want me to sleep on the couch?" He asked cautiously. Kurt sighed and nodded.  
"Yeah… I think I do." He didn't get a chance to explain before Blaine withdrew and grabbed a pillow and a blanket from the laundry basket and took himself off downstairs. Kurt sighed.

* * *

Kurt frowned a few weeks later, Blaine was still sleeping on the couch and their entire relationship was strained.  
"I just… I feel like I can't trust him anymore." He told Rachel over coffee while he was on a break at work. He was lucky The Gap had a starbucks attached.  
"Understandable - I mean he left you when you were at your most vulnerable."  
"I just wish he could give me a sign… you know convince me that he's on board with this as much as I am. You're growing every day and I just want to know that when our as of yet unnamed child comes into this world he'll be right there with me." He sighed and sipped at his medium drip.  
"Get him to come to my Lamaze classes with me." She said decisively. "It helped Finn feel involved when I was having Liam so maybe it'll give him that connection to her?"  
"I'll run it by him but I don't see it being a popular idea." His watch beeped and he sighed again. "Duty calls Rachel, I gotta run I'm pitching the idea for the Lima branch to open a Baby Gap!"  
"Good luck!" Rachel said hugging her friend, which was getting difficult given she was 5 months pregnant and the size of a small house already.

All day Kurt thought about Rachel's suggestion for Lamaze and how to break it to Blaine that he'd be attending with her. In the end he decided to be blunt.  
"You know you said you're serious about being back and learning to be a dad?"  
"A thousand times yes Kurt, what do I have to do to prove it to you?" He pleaded, he was in a bad mood from sleeping on the couch for the past three weeks.  
"Go to Rachel's Lamaze classes with her."  
"Why can't Finn go?"  
"It's not Finn's baby." Kurt said testily. "Look you get to choose whether you want to be part of this baby's life, why not make a start now?"  
"Okay! I'll go, but I really don't see how being around a bunch of hormonal pregnant women is going to turn me on to the idea of having a child."

"I am so sick of fighting!" Kurt cried, sitting down. "Is it too much to ask that we have one day where we aren't at each other's throats?"  
"I'm sorry Kurt…"  
"I'm hearing that a lot lately." Kurt muttered, and busied himself prepping his work pitch, ignoring Blaine's subsequent apologies. Blaine left the room with a hefty sigh.

"_What have I got to do to make you love me?_  
_What have I got to do to make you care?_  
_What do I do when lightning strikes me?_  
_And I wake to find that you're not there_

_What I gotta do to make you want me?_  
_What have I got to do to be heard?_  
_What do I say when it's all over?_  
_And sorry seems to be the hardest word._" Kurt sang tapping his pencil. He looked at the clock. In the next room Blaine joined in (as they do in Glee)

"_It's sad, so sad_  
_It's a sad, sad situation_  
_And it's getting more and more absurd_  
_It's sad, so sad_  
_Why can't we talk it over_  
_Oh it seems to me_  
_That sorry seems to be the hardest word_." Blaine sang sadly and sweetly to the closed door of the dining room where Kurt was working.

"_What do I do to make you want me_  
_What have I got to do to be heard_  
_What do I do when lightning strikes me_  
_What have I got to do_  
_What have I got to do_  
_When sorry seems to be the hardest word_." They harmonized in union, each of them blissfully unaware the other was on the same page.

"I've got it!" Finn said happily and confidently. "You want to show Kurt that you're really into this whole thing?"  
"Yes…"  
"All you have to do is name the baby!"  
"Oh that's easy." Blaine said sarcastically.  
"No think about it, what better commitment to your child than naming them? That name stays with them their entire life…" Finn said seriously. "If you really want to love your daughter, give her a name…"  
"Kurt wants something iconic…"  
"Then go with iconic." Finn said reassuringly. "Pick something you know he'll love." Blaine nodded thoughtfully.  
"I… guess I'll work on it."

* * *

Blaine spent 8 weeks working on a name. Every name he picked out just didn't seem quite right. As Christmas day drew nearer he found it. And the second he uttered that name aloud to himself he knew it was going to be the name of his daughter.

A/n: Christmassy chapter next. Question: would you like me to write another split-chapter sexy scene? Answers in a review please!


	9. Merry Christmas

A/n: I know that in an extended edition of the Christmas episode Kurt said he didn't like Christmas but… well he grew out of it or something. There is a full length, smuttier version of this chapter in How To Be A Dad Uncut.

Christmas had always been Kurt's favourite holiday, the joy the cheer…. But he just couldn't get into the spirit of it this year. His proposal at work was dragging and Rachel was 7 months pregnant and he still hadn't felt the unnamed baby kick yet.  
"She always seems to fall asleep when you're around." Rachel said prodding her expanding belly gently. Kurt sighed.  
"Maybe she just doesn't like me." He said dejectedly.  
"Of course she does." Blaine said kissing Kurt on the ear. "Let's keep putting the tree up, maybe she'll wake up to the sound of carols?"  
"If I have to hear one more jaded Christmas song I'm gonna scream." Kurt muttered but stood up and helped Blaine dress their tree. The fireplace was roaring and Rachel sat in front of it with her feet up, Liam played with a plastic bauble.  
"Don't put that in your mouth sweetie." Rachel reminded him. Blaine placed two things underneath the tree, both said KURT on it in his usual curly script. Kurt didn't even bat an eyelash.

His Christmas spirit was well and truly dead. He had a baby due in two months, no job security as his whole career depending on this pitch at work, no relationship security with a boyfriend who still slept on the couch.  
"Cheer up Uncle Kurt!" Liam said, running up to his uncle and holding the bauble aloft. "You can have my shiny, if you smile." Kurt smiled weakly and was handed his own bauble.  
"Thank you Liam, you're a star, we should put you on top of the tree."  
"No!" Liam begged shaking his messy mop of dark hair. Kurt laughed, and it was a beautiful sound, getting rarer by the day.

Sure enough Christmas day rolled around and Blaine woke up at 10am, surprised, Kurt normally pounced on him at 7am on Christmas day. He dragged himself up off the uncomfortable couch and called up the stairs.  
"Kurt, you okay?"  
"Yeah yeah let's just get this over with, so I can go back to bed." Came Kurt's bland response. Blaine sighed and made them both a cup of coffee. He arrived downstairs still in his pyjamas as was traditional.  
"Kurt can I go first this year?" he asked softly. Kurt nodded morosely, staring at the clock as if silently wondering whether it was a valid option to go back to bed and sleep through Christmas.

"It's been one hell of a year." Blaine said picking up his two presents for Kurt. "And I just wanted to make things right."  
"If you think you can make things okay with a new pair of pyjamas and a Judy Garland box set you're severely mistaken." Kurt said, his eyes watering. "Truthfully Blaine I think we're over and I really don't want to lose you from my life but I feel that's the direction we're headed." He sniffed. "I just… I can't do this." He said standing up, Blaine grabbed his wrist.  
"I'm sorry I made you feel that way Kurt," Blaine said apologetically. "But this present is to show you I'm truly… TRULY committed to our baby girl." He said handing over a red envelope with a green ribbon on it. Kurt turned it over a few times in his hands before sitting down and opening it. Inside was a tiny slip of paper with one word written on it in Blaine's trademark curly script.

"Harlow?" He queried.  
"If you'll let me… I'd like to name the baby Harlow…" He said softly. Kurt fell quiet. "Oh no… you don't like it? I'm so sorry I thought you'd love it as much as I do and… Kurt I meant well…" He babbled.  
"It's perfect." Kurt whispered in shock. Blaine relaxed.  
"Seriously?" Kurt flung his arms around Blaine's neck.  
"You do care!" He exclaimed.  
"I've been trying to tell you that all along." Blaine whispered, wrapping his arms around his estranged lover and kissing him on the forehead. "The next gift is to show my commitment to you. Open it." He said excitedly, handing Kurt the box. Kurt was overwhelmed with joy already, feeling his love for Blaine rekindling by the second. He tore the gold wrapping paper off the small box and opened it to reveal a ring.

"Blaine…"  
"I've been a fool Kurt." Blaine said getting down on one knee in front of the couch, in front of the roaring fire. The glow from it illuminated Kurt's surprised face. "I went away and I forgot the one thing I've known since I was 17... I love you Kurt. I love the way your voice goes up an octave when you're mad, I love the way you're in your pyjamas right now but you've still found the time to do your hair, I love the way you get passionate about something and then just go for it. I love you. The money for a trip to England's all gone on getting baby Harlow, our daughter, ready for the world… but if you'll have me in any of the states where it's legal I'd like to marry you… Kurt Hummel will you do me the honour of being my husband? Blaine asked. Kurt raised his hand to his heart, speechless for a moment.  
"Yes." He said when he found his voice. "Yes I'll marry you!" Blaine slid the solid gold band with a single diamond onto Kurt's ring finger and Kurt admired it glinting in the fireplace.

He stared deep into Blaine's eyes.  
"Five minutes ago I thought we were splitting up, you just went and turned everything around," He whispered. Blaine smiled softly.  
"Just like you always do, every day of my life." He leaned up from his kneeling position and kissed Kurt on the lips.  
"I have to go tell Rachel!" He said standing up. Blaine grabbed him by the wrist.  
"Nuh uh. We're sharing the biggest moment of our lives with Rachel, she can wait an hour or so for this." He said firmly. Kurt raised an eyebrow.  
"What did you have in mind?" He asked cheekily.  
"Well… you said you wanted to go back to bed…" Blaine said seductively. Kurt blushed and nodded, taking Blaine's hand and leading him upstairs.

* * *

"I factored in cuddle time." Blaine added pulling Kurt's naked body closer to his.  
"I'm so glad we're talking again." Kurt mewled rubbing his head against Blaine's chest.  
"I'd say that was a little more than talking. Merry Christmas Kurt." Blaine said kissing Kurt's forehead.  
"Merry Christmas." Both lay together, silently acknowledging that the awkwardness between them was over.

* * *

Rachel screamed. Kurt screamed. Liam copied them. Finn and Blaine put their hands over their ears.  
"When's the wedding?" Finn asked when Kurt and Rachel and Liam had finally quietened down.  
"We haven't really decided yet…" Blaine admitted, they had been too busy celebrating.  
"And and and!" Kurt blurted, his left hand still in Rachel's grasp. "We've named the baby! Well… Blaine named the baby."  
"Tell!" Rachel insisted.  
"Tell!" Liam repeated. Blaine picked him up and spun him round, cuddling his godson close to him as Kurt proudly announced:  
"Harlow."  
"Oh!" Rachel said suddenly. Everyone stared at her wondering what was the matter.  
"What?"  
"She kicked…" Rachel whispered, pulling Kurt's hand toward her stomach. Kurt froze, his eyes widening.  
"Blaine come feel this!" He insisted. Blaine was hesitant but approached Rachel and placed his free hand (the one not supporting Liam on his hip) on her burgeoning baby bump. Sure enough he could feel sharp sudden movements beneath her skin. Blaine had to admit it didn't stir anything in him emotionally, if he was completely honest with himself it just felt weird, but he'd only just got Kurt back and wasn't about to risk losing that due to another bout of fear.

"It's like she responded to her name." Rachel whispered, not wanting to break the magic of the moment. Kurt thought he'd received the best presents ever this year.

A/n: Another split chapter, if you're reading 'How To Be A Dad Uncut' feel free to review, perves :P


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